Business is Personal
by Nancy D. Solomon, MA
Today had no choice but to be great for me—it started with a conversation with one of my favorite people—Ann Tardy, CEO of Life Moxie. Ann and I have the ultimate combo—a personal and a business relationship. I’m not sure which began first, but I am certain that both parts make hefty deposits into my happiness account.
Before getting into the reason for our call—a business opportunity Ann wanted me to partner with her on—I asked her about her husband and her year old marriage. Here’s what she said, “It’s great. He’s just wonderful. He adores me… simply adores me… and he spends every day trying to make me happy. I’ve know him for seven years and for seven years his priority is still my happiness—you can’t beat that!”
While Ann was relating this, what came to mind was the diner scene in the movie, “When Harry Met Sally”—you remember the one—and I found myself thinking, “I’ll have whatever Ann’s having.” How many of us would like to be on the top of someone’s priority list, with our happiness being his or her main motivator? I know I would!
So what do “being adored” and “happiness” have to do with building client relationships? Absolutely everything!
Admittedly, these adjectives are seldom included in the same sentence as ‘business’ and I, for one, would like to change that. Now. It occurs to me that we are ripe and ready to treat our clients and customers as we do the favorite people in our personal lives. With all the fuss we’re making about ‘relationship marketing’ that should be fairly obvious, shouldn’t it? But it isn’t because, despite the rhetoric, we continue to underscore, highlight and boldly emphasize the difference between our personal and our professional relationships. Why do we do that? Aren’t we the same person at the family BBQ that we are at corporate headquarters or at the sales meeting? And if we’re not the same person, why aren’t we?
I’m not talking about our socialization: about the difference in our outward behavior, given the disparate venues. No, we’re not going to tell off-colored jokes (if we want to retain our job) at the weekly staff meeting. But at our core, at the level of our values and our intentions, shouldn’t we be the same person regardless of our circumstances? Don’t you want to do business with people who are willing to be transparent, to be authentic and to show up fully as human beings? Wouldn’t it make you more than a bit nervous to sign a multi-million dollar deal with someone who is willing to show you only a fraction of who they are in the conference room? Would you not be wondering what they’re holding back and why? No different, really, than dating someone for six months before they reveal some major catastrophic circumstance in their life—wouldn’t you wonder what else they’re withholding?
I find it intriguing that we perversely cling to the idea that our business lives and personal lives are mutually exclusive. In this day and age, I wonder why we continue to think that these two vital components of our lives should be kept separate. I’m equally perplexed that there are some people who believe that there are benefits to be reaped by pretending that business and personal matters actually can be segregated; that it’s even possible should we decide it’s advantageous. Which it is most certainly is not.
I believe that there can be no distinction, despite what we’ve been told, how we’ve been trained, or why we deceived ourselves into thinking otherwise. To attempt, in any manner, to separate the personal from the business is arrogant at best and ignorant at worst.
My professional experience, as one of the people to whom businesses turn when the ‘soft issues’ become agonizingly hard, has repeatedly reinforced my assertion that business is personal. Very personal.
The ‘Great Divide’ as I call it, is that invisible space where emotional currency is replaced by intellectual capital. It’s the place where we ostensibly park our feelings at the door and pick up our professional personae at the same place. In truth, it is an abyss into which our most treasured values potentially fall.
Pardon me if I seem daft–I am not– but I’m on a mission to persuade you, encourage you and coerce you into rethinking the way you relate to both aspects of your life, and how both aspects correlate with one another.
At it’s most fundamental:
· Business is conducted by people
· Business provides people with a service or product
· Business provides people with jobs which earn them compensation
· People impact their own businesses and the businesses of others
· People are also impacted by their own businesses, and the businesses of others
Think reciprocity!
A few days ago, I returned from Milwaukee where I presented the opening keynote for lia sophia’s national conference. I had the supreme privilege of standing before three thousand women (and a few brave and commendable men) business owners who have a passion for people, a love of jewelry and a desire to achieve their dreams. I spoke about the urgency for them to recognize that ‘who they are impacts everything they do’. I was overwhelmed by their responsiveness to my message. Dozens of people approached me in the day or two after the keynote to let me know how profoundly they had been impacted—the majority had never realized how they figured into the equation of their own success; how they, personally, impacted their bottom line. Beautiful and amazing!
I’m prompted to inquire as to what it is about the prospect of our feelings and our fragile psyches that’s so uncomfortable for us that we are willing to perpetuate the myth that good business excludes the mother of all motivators—emotions?
In the past fifteen years science has partnered with the psychology of performance and has provided us with stacks of statistics from institutions as old as money and as reliable as taxes. They all say the same thing: Logic does not lead. Emotions do. We make emotional choices and then back them up with logic, reason, and data. Even in business.
During this same time, the field of cognitive neuroscience has greatly expanded its understanding of how emotions impact human learning and communications. The Gallup Organization, following suit, used these recent discoveries and integrated them with similar work in the fields of psychology, economics, and social sciences. Gallup devoted its extensive resources to an in-depth study of human behavior conducted from 1997 to 2001, interviewing almost 20 million customers on their opinions, attitudes, feelings, and behaviors. Among the study’s conclusions:
Ÿ Emotions drive our decision-making.
Ÿ Emotions take place outside our rational, willful awareness.
Ÿ Emotional engagement increases the speed of learning, increases memory retention, and evokes emotions in others.
We are emotionally based beings. What we feel is more important than what we think. Every decision we make is in pursuit of an emotional goal. Our emotions dictate our decisions, not the other way around. Our emotions translate into every choice we make in our life,
Although there has been a profusion of new information on consumer buying habits published in the past several years, one of the most conclusive studies was completed by the University of Florida in 2002. This national study analyzed the responses of 23,168 people to 240 advertising messages in 13 categories, from cars and appliances to groceries and other small-ticket items. The results, which appeared in the August 2002 issue of Journal of Advertising Research, concluded that emotions were nearly twice as important as knowledge in consumer buying decisions—that individuals may be interested in the technical aspect of a purchase item, but this interest is driven by the desire to achieve a specific emotional response. This evidence refutes the historical data that strongly implied that consumers made their purchases based on information, data, and logical conclusions and that if emotions were involved at all, it was purely incidental. What this means for business—the very implication of introducing emotions and relationships as tools for strategizing production and profit—is staggering in light of what we once thought to be true.
What I’ve observed an unpleasant number of times, is that people use the “it’s just business” rationale as a catchall excuse when they don’t want to take responsibility for dealing with feelings they’re uncomfortable with. So “Don’t take this personally…..” becomes the repository for the emotions the owner has yet to metabolize. I work with these folks every day.
Let’s be honest: Don’t you prefer to work with clients who adore you because you made them happy? Because they adore you? When we sell our product or service, our name and reputation accompanies said product and service, doesn’t it? So when our customers and clients are satisfied (and, therefore, happy) with what we provided them, then, ultimately, they are happy with us.
Which is personal. Very personal.
Nancy D. Solomon, author of the upcoming book, IMPACT! What Every Woman Needs to Know to Go From Invisible to Invincible (John Wiley, Fall 2009) is an internationally recognized human potential expert. She travels the country evangelically spreading the word that “You get in life what you have the courage to ask for.” For the past 18 years, Nancy has inspired thousands to remove the barriers to personal and professional success and to engage in their work and in their lives. She provides training, keynotes, coaching and facilitation for executives and their organizations seeking to improve their personal and professional standards of success. Her clients include Microsoft, Target, Nordstrom, Acura, Sheraton and many potentially passionate individuals. She can contacted at nancy@nancydsolomon.com or 253.265.3240.
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